Thursday, May 1, 2008

Second Edition of Coach's Midnight Diner

Second Edition of Coach's Midnight Diner are Open!

Coach's Midnight Diner is a hardboiled genre anthology with a Christian slant. No ABA restrictions on God, no CBA restrictions on reality. Didactic preachy works are dismissed unceremoniously; we're looking for high quality works that are uncompromising in craft, content, and quality.

Submissions for the 2008 Edition of Coach's Midnight Diner are now open at the Relief Writer's Network. Here's what we're looking for; please read carefully. Submissions that are completely out of gamut will be subject to ridicule and unceremonious rejection.

1. Unpublished Short Fiction up to 10,000 words. Simultaneous submissions okay, but you need to pull your submission ASAP if it gets accepted elsewhere.

2. Submissions are only accepted via the Online Submission System at the Relief Writers Network. Absolutely NO email or snail mail read or even remotely considered unless your name is Stephen King and you wrote The Stand. Anne Rice, Neil Gaiman, and F. Paul Wilson are also exceptions. Everybody else, get with the program. There's a big button at the top of this website that says Submit Your Writing. If you email me asking where the link is, expect severe sarcasm.

3. Categories for Submisisons are:
Category Examples (for clarification only)
Horror Stephen King, Anne Rice, Dean Koontz
UFO/Aliens X-Files, Coast To Coast AM
Conspiracy Millennium (TV Show), X-Files, Coast To Coast AM
Hardboiled Detective/Crime Raymond Chandler, Janet Evanovich, F. Paul Wilson
That One That Happens in Diner All categories - just has to happen in a diner
Jesus Vs. Cthulhu No posers. If you're submitting in this category,
you had better be familiar with Lovecraft
or Derleth's work, and the piece had better reflect
it. I'm not kidding.
Paranormal/Archetypal Exploration Neil Gaiman, C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton
Weird Western- NEW! Cowboys and Indians meet something weird
Weird War - NEW! In honor of all our soldiers in all branches of the armed forces
Monster Stories - NEW! Dracula, Frankenstein, Godzilla, Buffy - yes, you can submit your
Christian vampire story here.
Adventure Indiana Jones, Dan Brown (hey, the guy's a great writer, even
if his theology sucks)
Shatner On A Plane
Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Night Gallery

Note: Combinations of Genres are encouraged. For example, a hardboiled detective investigating a paranormal crime, or a monster story that has a Twilight Zone twist. You may and probably should select multiple categories when submitting your work.

Compensation: Three Editor's Choice awards will be selected. Prize money for Editor's Choice is a hundred bucks. All categories are eligible. Everybody else gets their names up on Amazon, a contributor's copy, bragging rights, and the possibility of being on the Diner staff for the next edition. Approximately 21 stories will be selected for publication.

4. No hardcore sci-fi. I don't want to read stories that I have to learn a new vocabulary or solar system for. I don't want to read about what happened after the fourth war for Alpha Centuari, Beta Centauri, or any other Centauri. Besides, you can't fit a starship into a Diner. Other places are more suited for these genres, i.e. the incredible site at for Sci-fi helmed by Diner-approved editor Johne Cook.

5. No sword-and-sorcery fantasy. Do you know what happens when you let ogres and trolls in Diners? You will be billed for any messes they make.

6. Know what we've published in the last edition. The Diner is available on,, and of course on the Relief store here A Sample Size Edition of the Diner is available on,

6. Spiritual warfare is allowed, but should have an original twist. Absolutely no shining swords - you can poke somebody's eye with one of those in a diner, and we don't have the insurance for that sort of thing.

6. The Diner is not for children, or the faint of heart. Jesus dressed up as Thor, a whore who moonlights as an exorcist, a bouncer at a strip club, and more offbeat characters were regulars in the first edition of the Diner. This is not Guideposts or your Sunday School quarterly. Pansy sanitized work will be unceremoniously dismissed. Do not send me work where gangbangers say things like, "Golly gee, Beav, what ever are we going to do with this swell crack?"

7. Submissions will tentatively close May 1, 2008. Do not send queries. Submit your work. All your base are belong to us.

8. Release Date for the second edition of Coach's Midnight Diner is October 2008. The Second Edition will be available in print, soft cover and perfect bound in a 7"ishx10"ish trim size at,, and several other venues. It will also be available in Amazon Kindle and Sony Reader format.

Go pour some coffee, and let's see what you've got. Give me your best shot.

Your friendly neighborhood fry cook,
Coach Culbertson
Editor-In-Chief | Coach's Midnight Diner

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