Thursday, June 26, 2008

Evil Nerd Empire

Accepting Submissions

We’re an experimental press with strong preferences for anything on the disturbing side: escapades into surrealistic labyrinths of hate. lounging with crotch goblins in dungeons of hell, tortured memoirs by lapsed addicts, horrific and monstrous tales, psychoerotic romance with something dead, etc.

Currently seeking authors for the following genres:

* Cyberpunk/Hacker Noir
* Bizzaro
* Pre/Post Apocalypse Mythology
* Surrealism Fusion
* Hallucinatory Horror
* Post Adolescent Angst
* Anything else that I find to be clever and original

[brought to you by the benevolent & mercifiul Minister Of PAY ATTENTION!!!]

Here is how it goes. First write a bio describing anything significant about you, along with your submission and submit them in either .DOC or .RTF format (you have plenty of time as I allot an extra 9 seconds so that gives you 10 seconds). Then being the masochist that I am, I will actually try to translate your babble into English and determine if it is worthy. If I find what you have submitted to be worthy, then congratulations, you had human genes somewhere in your ancestry, welcome to the empire! However; if I find my eyes and brains in pain from viewing your crap, then I will verbally abuse you and hopefully you will have the decency to aid the empire by abstaining from sex (can't have you polluting our gene pool further) and joining the military (I will recommend you for the rank of bullet catcher), as we do have a shortage of cannon fodder. Being the magnanimous man that I am (or maybe a little bit of a sadist too), I will make one concession and even have the rejects (no, not talking about you...yet...I mean the rejected submissions) posted in a separate area of our empire for all to ridicule (after I do so first). Then again, you are used to that. So is that understood?

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