Monday, June 15, 2009

Star Dreck Anthology

Before we go any further, this is SATIRE*. This is PARODY*. This is SPOOFING*. These things
are fully protected under American copyright law, with the benefit of Supreme Court decisions.
That being said...

I saw the new Star Trek movie, and I was depressed. It was quite a paradox, because I actually
had a blast watching this engaging, exciting, exhilarating, fun film. But as I let it all sink in the
rest of the day, I realized I actually hated it. I won't belabor why here; either you agree with me
or you don't. If you do, then this anthology is for you.

Paramount Pictures, in its endless quest for piles of money, have finally completed the utter
destruction of Star Trek, a process at which I feel Rick Berman and Brannon Braga had already
worked very hard for several years to achieve anyhow. As any Trekkie who has writing skills,
my ego tells me I could have done a better job than Berman, Braga, and J.J. Abrams. My sixth
sense tells me that talented Trekkies all over the world could do better writing SATIRES* and
PARODIES* and SPOOFS*. So, I want to give them the chance.

This will be a three-volume (maybe four-volume) series of anthologies with stories that

Star Dreck: This will be a collection of SATIRES* and PARODIES* and SPOOFS* of Star
Trek (the original series).

Star Dreck: The Next Degeneration: This will be a collection of SATIRES* and PARODIES*
and SPOOFS* of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Star Dreck: Overcross: This will be a collection of SATIRES* and PARODIES* and SPOOFS*
of any Star Trek, along with another television show or movie.

Star Dreck: The Frontier Finale: This will be an anthology that MIGHT happen. If it does, it will
contain SATIRES* and PARODIES* and SPOOFS* of Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Star Trek:
Voyager, and Star Trek: Enterprise. This volume will happen if there are enough submissions for it.

I want SATIRE* and PARODY* and SPOOFING*. Write these like the literary equivalents of
the spoofs you see in MAD Magazine, or hat you used to see in CRACKED (before it died and
was reborn as a pile of online crap, sadly).

To this end, you have to spoof things and me from getting sued. Rename the characters: Captain
Kork, Mister Sprock, Chief Engineer Montgomery Ward, Helmsman Solo. Captain John-Luke
Pickaxe, Commander Raker, Counselor Menage-a-Troi, the android Info. You get the idea.
It's the Enterprize, and fazer guns, and zapton torpedoes. Whatever you want to do, do it. I
absolutely encourage a few things:

SATIRE* and PARODY* and SPOOFING*. These cannot be fan-fiction Trek stories, or
Paramount will sue me blind. Paramount probably will sue me blind anyway, but that's okay.

Humor. Make it funny! Poke fun at all things Trek, including the way this cultural icon has been
whored out by Paramount, beaten nearly to death, and changed to the point that the loyal fans
who made its success a reality are completely ignored (because we don't matter, right?).

Stories. Yep, even amidst humorous SATIRE* and laughable PARODY* and gut-busting
SPOOFS*, I still want real stories (which you'll learn about on the next page).

Star Dreck III: Overcross. This one is special. Do the same things as the others, but include a
crossover with another TV show or movie. Land the Enterprize in a galaxy, far, far away, with
Luck Skyskipper and Duchess Layme, and give the Volcanian Mr. Schlock experience with the
Forceful (maybe he has amazing midichlorian levels!). Maybe the Boobyprize goes back in time
and gets tangled up with Pong... James Pong, Double-Oh-Negative, who likes it shooken, not
starred. Or maybe the SG-01 team go through the StarPortal to a parallel universe where Mr.
Splott has a goatee! And what about the Exitprise trying to save a world... and they're assisted
by Superduperman?

(In fact, this idea was inspired by a book from the 1980s called The Doctor and the Enterprise,
a book where Doctor Who's TARDIS lands on the Enterprise. The characters were ambiguous
(The Captain, The Science Officer, The Physician... along with The Doctor), but we all knew
what it was. And it was funny! If you can find a copy on Amazon or eBay, I highly recommend

Whatever TV show/movie you cross this over with, you'll stand a better chance of selling it if
it's a show/movie I'm familiar with, so before writing, if you want to know my thoughts, drop
me a line.

For all titles: I absolutely reserve the right to change any names, terminology, etc., to avoid
getting me sued, but of course I'll work with you on that.

Fan fiction. Don't send me any of this. I don't care if you think you've written the best Star Trek
short story ever written. If it isn't a SATIRE* or a PARODY* or a SPOOF*, don't even think of
sending it. If you do, you'll be blacklisted from any and all future publications I release. I know
that sounds really hard-ass, but copyright is a very serious matter. I'm not a pirate. I won't
ever be a pirate. And I won't give the time of day to people who submit fan fiction and expect
me to publish it. Send it to whoever is licensed to publish Star Trek fiction.

Stories from 3,000 to 12,000 words; however, I am unlikely to accept long stories unless they
are very, very good. Long stories mean multiple shorter stories won't make the cut. So, make
sure the longer it is, the better it is. Ideally, I'd like to see stories in the 3,000-7,000-word

Deadline for submissions is October 31, 2009. I'll be staggering the releases of these in early

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